A Different Place

I was lucky early on to come across an essay written by Emily Perl Kingsley called “Welcome to Holland”. Google it right now and read it. And then come back to me.

Reading, hearing and learning about the experiences of others speaks to me. Emily Perl Kingsley, I hear you.

Kate Swenson, your Facebook video made it to my Facebook feed. I hear you. About your struggles with raising a son on the autism spectrum. And here is the comment I posted to you, (with some editing). You probably didn’t see it. You had thousands of responses.

You do go through several states of mourning.

In the beginning you think you have all the time in the world, and you see specialist after specialist.

And you wait for the day when you find it, that treatment that makes the difference.

I know the first stage of mourning was when I realized that Travis was not going to go to college. At least not one of the ones I planned, for one of the degrees I planned. But if he can get through high school. Find a job that allows him his independence. Enables him to take care of himself.

And then you get to the point where you realize that he is always going to be dependent on someone. And you think, what happens when I am gone?

And your new dream for him is to become the best version of Travis possible. To be happy. Find a way to be happy in this world that can be harsh, can be intolerant, can be judgmental.

People mean well when they say they don’t know how you do it. Hell, I don’t even know how I do it. And there is not a choice. This is not the place I envisioned, but it is the place I was brought to. A different place.

I love Travis with all my heart. And that is why I will learn all I can about this different place.

Most every day is rough. But some are rougher than others. And it does take a toll on your health and well-being.

And you are so grateful for the people who work with people with special needs, that they choose to help. Even when oftentimes they fail. And you are grateful for your friends and family who listen. Because any kind of support can help lessen your load.

And even after a good day, you’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because experience tells you that it will.

I am beginning to understand why I was brought to this place.

“Parenthood is about raising and celebrating the child you have, not the child you thought you’d have. It’s about understanding your child is exactly the person they are supposed to be. And, if you’re lucky, they might be the teacher who turns you into the person you’re supposed to be.” - Author Unknown