An Impossible Situation
As parents we make mistakes. It’s a given. I have definitely made my share.
When it came to parenting I thought I was a natural. Later I figured out it wasn’t necessarily about how I was parenting, but maybe had more to do with our children themselves.
Corey was easy. She had an innate desire to please. A stern look would do her in. (Although she did have a few teenage moments.)
Not Travis. I’m not going to lie. He has been harder to raise. And because of that he thinks we love him less. That is just not the case. But that is what his depression tells him. That he is unlovable. That we would be better off without him.
When I share with others that I feel like I have made mistakes with my parenting decisions, everyone responds positively. They say things like, “You made the best decision with the information you had at the time”.
And I know it’s true. But hindsight is 20/20, right? And it’s possible that things could be worse had we taken a different path. There really is just no way to know.
With Travis I needed help. That is why I read everything I could get my hands on. And you know that because I am constantly quoting from books and other material. And I attended conferences. I cornered speakers after their session to ask questions.
And because of all the research I have done, I find myself over the years doubting “the experts” and the advice they gave us regarding Travis’s education. Because the advice they were giving was contrary to everything I was learning.
Which was confusing to me because I wondered what they were learning in their classes to become a special education administrator? Maybe they had been in their position long enough that information was changing? And they were not keeping up? I don’t know.
Today I am writing about Travis’s next school setting. And I wonder how did I let that happen?
If you have been following along you know that Travis attended The Joshua School (TJS) for about three and a half years. We loved TJS but they were not equipped to handle Travis’s mental illness and his resulting behaviors.
Our local district had a new Director of Special Programs. At this point he had been with the district for just under two years. The last director that we had, let’s just say butt heads with, had moved on to work in a larger district. I don’t know any of the details.
This new director presented us with one option. A day treatment center. Travis had attended two other day treatment centers in the past with terrible results. Our local district still did not have an appropriate setting in place that would meet Travis’s needs.
This was a different center than he had attended in the past. So I tried to keep an open mind. It was not in our hometown, but it was closer than TJS. Part of the reason that I hoped it may work. Isn’t that the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
The next center was called Reflections for Youth (RFY). I did not have any issues with the center itself. I suppose there is a need for a place like this. My issue is that it was not the place for Travis. The handbook for the center made it sound promising. It stated, “Our program is designed to help students achieve success by discovering the power of positive choices, by using the Discovery Program.
This program is a concrete, skill-based curriculum that creates positive change in students. Through this program, students can develop many of the positive social skills necessary to be successful in school and life. They can also increase their academic achievement. The Discovery Program works especially well for students considered at risk. The Discovery Program has helped many school districts with problems such as student apathy, violence, low academic achievement and poor attendance.”
Sounded too good to be true. And it was. I had a healthy amount of skepticism. Why?
This program operated on a phase system. If you have been keeping up you know why a phase system will not work for a kiddo like Travis. A kiddo on the autism spectrum. The executive functioning portion of his brain is mis-wired. He does not understand the concept of cause and effect. He doesn’t understand the concept of consequences. That is why he makes the same mistakes again and again.
I shared that exact information with the education director of the center.
Per their handbook, “Within the phase system, students earn privileges based on their success in the program and in school. If behavior warrants consequences, privileges will be suspended until the behavior is corrected. This means that any personal items that are considered a privilege in school will be confiscated and returned at the end of the day”.
Travis lost access to his headphones in no time. The ones that cover his ears to drown out background noise. The ones that were written into his IEP as an accommodation. The ones that may have helped him get through the day. For real.
Interestingly enough the handbook also stated, “If necessary, education staff will maintain regular contact with probation officers and caseworkers to inform them of behavior concerns”. Another clue that this setting is for “at risk” kids based on environmental issues. Not for kids with a intellectual disability with mental illness concerns.
I re-researched, as you knew I would, to find out about this center today. It looks like it closed fairly recently due to funding issues. The building was damaged during flooding in 2013 and their students had to find different settings. It sounds like they continued to try to make a go of it until a year or two ago.
Per Shelley Widhalm of the Reporter Herald, “Reflections for Youth, founded in 2004, provides three areas of programming to stabilize youth and their families as they recover from the traumatic effects of abuse and neglect”. Deep sigh.
She quoted the center’s current director as saying, “Most of our clients have experienced significant trauma and life challenges that contribute to out-of-control behaviors”.
The center also completed daily point sheets. The points translated into weekly percentages that are used to determine phases and privileges. If a certain percentage is not achieved, all privileges will be suspended until a student is able to achieve their percentage.
Daily point sheet comments included: struggled to focus; struggled with work; left without permission; did not read; did not participate; struggled to follow directions; interrupting; struggled with peer interaction; not taking accountability for own behavior; and difficulty following cues. Sound familiar?
If you are newer to our story you simply must go back and read our story from the beginning. Then you will understand when I say, UGH!
RFY offered individual, group and family therapy to all day treatment students. Day treatment students will receive individual therapy once per week with a licensed supervised clinician. The Joshua School provided a mental health worker daily to Travis and felt ill equipped to handle his needs. But ok.
The licensed clinician had Travis participate in sand play therapy. To be fair, I do not know a thing about this type of therapy. But in forty five minutes she determined that Travis had aggressive energy and a denial of nurturance. Obviously on the first one. But denial of nurturance? That may be true of most of the other students, but Travis was most definitely nurtured.
And I knew Travis would have trouble with this one. The handbook stated, “RFY staff will be searching students upon arrival to the school every morning. Students will be asked to show backpacks, books, etc. to staff as well as show or empty the contents of pockets in pants, shirts, coats, etc. and any other search deemed necessary by staff”.
First off, if you know Travis you know his pockets are full of stuff. But nothing of concern. And secondly, he felt like he was being treated like a criminal. This is way back before our schools had metal detectors.
RFY did conduct some academic testing. Depending on the assessment subject they determined he was between first and third grade levels. And they gave him worksheets to complete. Which is not the way he learns. And he is sixteen. I’m thinking there is a strong possibility that the other kids gave him grief about this. They are just better at not getting caught.
Travis started on January 4th. He was is a physical fight at school on January 27th. The police were called. Per the other student’s statement, “Travis called him names. He kept tapping his hands and making annoying noises”. Per the staff, “The other student got increasingly angry, Travis made a comment about his mother. The other student lost it, jumped over two teachers standing between them and punched Travis in the head and face causing injury over Travis’s eye. Both boys continued fighting for about one minute until staff separated them”.
Both boys were issued a summons for disorderly conduct and suspended from school. (I guess the Discovery Program was not as successful as they thought.)
I sent the director of RFY an email at 7:15 am on January 28th that Travis would not be returning. I mentioned that Travis was not receiving any of his IEP services. I asked her if she remembered me telling her during the interview process that the phase program would not work. I shared in this email that Travis went from a setting where he was receiving 1:1 staffing to a setting where he received 4:1 staffing. I stated, “The only way that 4:1 staffing could work for Travis is if the teacher knew how to teach him at his level and the other three kids were angels that could overlook Travis’s social shortcomings. In other words, an impossible situation.”
Our district had employed a new staff person to oversee and keep track of kids in out of district placements. I suspect they may have learned a lesson about sending kids out of district and letting them slip through the cracks. But hiring this position tells me that there must be a lot of these placements going on. Travis was not the only kid from our district attending RFY. And I was surprised because Travis had been out of district for years and I had never met the woman that filled this new position.
I shared in my email that I was unable to get a hold of this person. The director of RFY must have forwarded my email to our local district director of special programs. I received an email from him later that same morning.
In his email he says, “I believe we need to discuss realistic placement options”. (Oh good, me too!)
He also says, “Simply excusing him from understanding consequences is not a path I will support…” (Hey professional, not understanding consequences is not by choice.)
And, “…not avoid these situations if they don’t go 100% smoothly.”
Seriously? I gave the first treatment center fourteen months, even though situations did not go 100% smoothly. I gave the second day treatment center another year, even though situations did not go 100% smoothly. In less than a month at RFY Travis had been issued a summons for disorderly conduct. I simply could not allow Travis to spend even one more day in a center that is not set up to meet his needs. I was done wasting Travis’s time.
He also took issue with my mentioning that Travis was not receiving his IEP services. He says, “ The plan I was aware of was for him to have about a month to adjust before re-writing the IEP. (How convenient. A month. And the plan you were aware of?) That month has not yet occurred so as far as providing all services outlined in his previous IEP (nope, that would be his current IEP), I feel we have been meeting the spirit of the transition in order to NOT overwhelm him.”
Travis needs his IEP services in order to cope and NOT be overwhelmed.
He was also upset that I mentioned in my email to RFY that I was having difficulty reaching his staff member and asked me to take that up with him or the out of placement staff. (Well I would have if I could have reached her. Or if she returned one of my three messages. And I wouldn’t have left three, had she answered the first or even second one!)
But here is my favorite part of his email, “I am dedicated to providing appropriate services for Travis, but you need to understand as I expressed the first time we met, my mission and that of the district will be to build an educational setting that helps him grow and become a functional adult to the extent he can be, this means I expect some bumps in the road (and apparently some bumps on Travis’s head), a great deal of resistance from him, and a united effort with you”.
Dude. Don’t lecture me. You started this position in early 2008 and hadn’t bothered to even meet Travis until now. How dedicated is that? The first time we met I asked if you had met Travis, already knowing the answer. So I pulled out my envelope of Travis pictures from my purse. To make a point. To show you what he looks like. And so you can see that there is a happy side to him.
By the way, our local district was pretty small at the time. Which is exactly why they argued that they could not put a program in place for kids like Travis. They even said they didn’t have enough kids needing that type of support. So if all of that is true, why hasn’t the director or his out of district placement person even met Travis?
The truth is I had met this new director. He came into the district ready to make changes, get his budget in line. He contacted me, wanted to meet. Had Travis’s file on his desk. Told me it was time to bring Travis back closer to home. Not in district. Just closer to home. I could read between the lines. What he wanted was to save some money.
And that’s why I asked if he had met Travis. I knew he hadn’t. Even though years ago during our due process filing the hearing officer got after our district for letting Travis slip through the cracks, they actually did it again. They called into meetings at TJS. (It was too far for them to drive, but not too far to send Travis daily.) But then the initial director we dealt with moved on. And the school counselor that called into the meetings retired.
TJS always notified our district of meetings. They just stopped attending, not even by phone.
After showing the director pictures of Travis, many of him smiling at TJS school events, I hinted that I would be happy to contact our education attorney, maybe even the hearing officer and ask for their advice. Tell them that our district had once again lost track of Travis for almost two years. Even after hiring someone to keep track of kids in out of district placements.
We may have mediated our due process case with prejudice years ago. But this no contact with an out of district student is all new grounds. Not to mention not meeting the accommodations or services on his IEP.
It was decided at that time that Travis would continue at TJS. Even after my gentle reminder, staff from our local district still did not take the time to meet Travis until we had to make this change of placement. Again, I guess it was just too far away.
We attended court with Travis. We provided the court with documentation of Travis’s diagnosis and some information on autism. In one of the articles I highlighted for the court, “Other characteristics often associated with autism are engagement in repetitive activities and stereotyped movements, resistance to environmental change or change in daily routines, and unusual responses to sensory experiences”.
He was showing repetitive behaviors, tapping on the desk and making annoying noises, because he was over-stimulated at a setting that was new and out of routine for him.
In another article that I provided to the court I highlighted the portion about some of the symptoms of a child with autism:
Difficulty with non-verbal communication, such as gestures and facial expressions.
Difficulty with social interaction, including relating to people and surroundings.
Difficulty adjusting to changes in routine or unfamiliar surroundings.
Repetitive body movements or patterns of behavior such as hand flapping, spinning, tapping and head banging.
Changing response to sound.
Aggressive behavior.
Fearfulness
Lack of skill interacting with others.
Little understanding of the abstract uses of language, such as humor or give-and-take in conversation.
And I shared with the court a letter that his lead teacher at TJS had written.
“I taught Travis Kastle in a school for children with autism and developmental disabilities for 3 1/2 years. His disability affects his ability to communicate appropriately, have appropriate social interactions, and solve conflicts independently.
During his time at TJS we worked with Travis to teach him specific communication, social and coping skills. We monitored all of his social interactions with peers in order to facilitate appropriate conflict resolutions. His disability also affects his ability to read and understand nonverbal cues. Travis does not always understand when a situation is becoming dangerous or when he should walk away.
I only witnessed aggression towards a peer two times during the time I worked with Travis and that was only after a peer had aggressed first. I believe that Travis will react to aggression towards him, but he will not be the first to aggress.
Travis is a kind, sympathetic young man that wants to make friends and needs adult assistance in doing so. He needs continued adult support in dealing with conflicts with peers and problem solving. I have always felt safe around Travis and do not think of him as a violent or aggressive individual.”
We understood that even with his diagnoses Travis is not above the law. Whether he understands cause and effect or the concept of consequences. But we did hope that the court would take his disability under consideration.
The court dismissed the charges against Travis. Partly because of his story, but mostly because of the long history they had with the other student. Which was probably the reason why the other student was attending RFY. And the reason why Travis shouldn’t.
“The behavior - the outbursts and the inattention - is often misunderstood as your child’s moral failing or the result of your terrible parenting. - www.todaysparent.com