Tug of War — No Stone Left Unturned

I left you on a bit of a cliffhanger a couple of posts ago. Some of you may be wondering if The Joshua School (TJS) found a new building. TJS did purchase a new building that needed extensive renovations in order to meet the needs of the children they served.

In a letter to parents the director stated, “As in any major construction project, it has taken a long time and many deadlines have been postponed.”

The director also let the parents know, “With our expansion we anticipate enrolling three new students immediately into the school-age program and two or more students into the early intervention (EI) program. Please let everyone know about the opening of our early intervention program, ages 2 1/2 - 5. We have six more spots to fill.”

I wrote in a previous blog that the director said during an interview that early intervention is the best hope of growth in students. The earlier the intervention the better the outcome. So it makes total sense that they would want to expand into offering early intervention.

When TJS first opened they would only accept students twelve and under. The director believed that beyond age twelve the child would have participated in too much poor programming. That past a certain point it would be too hard a road to come back from. And too much for TJS to handle.

If you have been following our story you know that Travis did indeed participate in many years of poor programming. And he was just a few weeks shy of turning thirteen when he started at TJS.

Maybe he was already past that point. And add to that his issues with his mental health. Ultimately TJS came to the hard decision that after three and a half years, Travis had outgrown their program. They were heartbroken. We were heartbroken. I am crying right now as I write this because I know they gave it their best shot.

As Travis got older he became more difficult to manage. He constantly needed breaks. And he stopped asking to take a break. He started going to the basement. He was more emotional, and more angry. The teenage years are difficult for most kids. Travis had been through a lot in his short life and he was struggling coming to terms with his disabilities.

Travis is very aware that he is different. He is very frustrated because he has goals for himself, but he has not been able to meet them. And as time goes on he becomes more despondent. And schoolwork sets him off.

TJS switched their focus to almost all vocational and life skills for him. He continued to go out on his internships. TJS took him out grocery shopping and worked with him to prepare his own lunches. TJS had a YMCA membership and they took Travis there to work out and to swim.

But even with the changes Travis struggled. He refused to get out of the pool at the YMCA and they had to call another staff member to come from the school to help. He started to leave the school grounds. Staff members had to leave the school to follow him.

They had Travis sign a contract. That he would follow the listed rules or he would not be allowed to attend the YMCA. But the behaviors persisted.

Contracts and agreements had never worked for Travis. As I have written in the past, children with executive functioning disorders are unable to diffuse their explosive behavior by applying the time and consequence theory. This theory assumes the child can create goal-directed behavior, shift attention easily, regulate impulsive responses and use reasoning, foresight and premeditation to solve problems.

TJS did have mental health workers on staff, but they did not feel qualified to deal with his level of clinical depression and were not equipped to deal with the conflicts and resulting aggression.

TJS wanted Travis to get treatment for his depression and obtain a level of stability.

If you have been keeping up with reading our story you know that Travis has been seeing a psychiatrist since he was seven. And he was prescribed numerous medications that resulted in several side effects and more aggression.

And he has seen many therapists. One therapist early on asked me if I had considered using time-outs. Are you kidding me? At the same therapist’s office Travis was beginning to have a meltdown. I took him into the bathroom and held him in a restraint until the meltdown was over and he was able to calm himself down. I took him out of her office so that he did not disturb her office, like maybe picking up something and throwing it. To protect her and her things.

When we came out about twenty minutes later her office was locked. She had gone home for the day. It was a Friday. I tried calling her and got voicemail. She called back the following week. Told me that our time was up so she left. That the weekend is her time. We never went back. Because I need someone who cares about my son enough to stay fifteen minutes past his appointment end time to make sure that he is ok. And that I was ok. She didn’t even knock on the door to say she was leaving.

When Travis was working with therapists at his school placements, I did not have him see a separate therapist at the same time. It just didn’t make sense to me. For one, I believe that just may be too much for a child. And what if the therapists were using different methods or working on different things. That could be confusing.

TJS asked us to have Travis work with a therapist outside of school towards the end of his time there.

Pretty much all of his life I have been writing what I called, “The Story of Travis”. And each time he went to a new school, or a new doctor, or a new therapist I updated his story. I would share it with each new place with the hope that it would get read before meeting Travis. I always thought it was a great way in just a few minutes time to know a bit (quite a bit really) about what makes Travis tick.

Having this story has also helped me to write my blog. It is part of the reason I can remember in such detail.

Per their request I found a therapist for Travis. He met with Travis a couple of times. But then he preceded to tell me that Travis would be fine if he played less video games and we got him involved in community activities. What?

You mean like T-Ball, baseball, soccer, cub scouts, and BMX bike racing? Just to name a few. And if he had read the story I sent him surely he would know that was not the combination to unlocking Travis. Right?

I am serious. You cannot make this stuff up. We didn’t go back.

Travis was and still is chronically depressed. And he has extremely low self-esteem. I did not want him to think that his leaving TJS was a failure on his part in any way. In case you couldn’t tell I am very protective of him.

So, we had a graduation party. And we celebrated that he was moving on. He finished TJS and had his graduation in December. Because that is a natural break. At this point Travis is half way through 10th grade. Not academic wise, but based on how many years he had attended school at this point.

TJS continued to grow and now has a second location. We fell out of touch. Keeping up with our lives was just too complicated to look back. I know that most of the original “Group of People” that worked so hard to get TJS started and off the ground moved on to other things. I don’t know why. But they passed the baton on to a new group.

Per www.joshuaschool.org, “Over ten years ago, what began as the radical, heartfelt response of six teachers (later grew to nine) to serve students with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and developmental disabilities, has grown into one of the top schools for autism in the United States.

Using Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA), an evidence-based science, we identify what each student needs to create an independent and fulfilling life. These might include social skills, communication and language, academics, daily living and community skills, vocational skills and more. By providing our students with structured environments, using teaching strategies based on behavioral intervention, and using data to inform programming, our nationally recognized approach has achieved superior results”.

Travis is a complicated young man. But there is also a side of him that you cannot help but love. He has a huge heart. And when he is in a good place he can win you over. He is funny, a bit of a prankster.

And you want to reach out and grab that side of him, and hold on to it and not let go. Figure out a way to keep it out. But the mental illness side tugs him back. It’s an ongoing game of tug of war. And I made a promise that I would never let go.

And so I will keep turning over another stone.

“I will not play tug o’ war. I’d rather play hug o’ war. Where everyone hugs instead of tugs, where everyone giggles and rolls on the rug, where everyone kisses and everyone grins, and everyone cuddles and everyone wins.” - Shel Silverstein