Walking a Fine Line

When an individual turns eighteen they are considered an adult and have all the rights and responsibilities of an adult. Although Travis was now considered an adult, he simply did not have the ability to make responsible decisions.

I attended a class held by a nonprofit organization in Colorado called The Guardianship Alliance. They are recognized in Colorado as the resource for information, assistance and coordination concerning guardianship and related matters for adults.

Per their pamphlet, “Guardianship is a court appointment which gives a person or an organization responsibility and authority for making decisions on behalf of an adult who is unable to manage their own affairs and make their own decisions. The person for whom a guardian is appointed is called a ward.

Guardianship is a serious responsibility and one that should be approached with the same seriousness and attention which you apply to your own life. Besides being a legal representative, you’re also an advocate and watchdog. Guardianship provides important protection and assistance.”

Colorado law gives guardians authority to make decisions regarding support, care, education, health and welfare. It further states, “A guardian shall exercise authority only as necessitated by the ward’s limitations and, to the extent possible, shall encourage the ward to participate in decisions, act on the ward’s own behalf, and develop or regain the capacity to manage the ward’s personal affairs. A guardian, in making decisions, shall consider the expressed desires and personal values of the ward to the extent known to the guardian. A guardian, at all times, shall act in the ward’s best interest and exercise reasonable care, diligence, and prudence”.

I simply never imagined that becoming Travis’s legal guardians would be part of our future. I have mentioned many times that I thought we would be successful in our quest to help him become more mentally stable and intellectually capable.

The Guardianship Alliance of Colorado describes the general responsibilities, “As a guardian you must know and care about all aspects of the well-being of your ward. If they don’t live with you, you must visit and spend time with them as often as possible. It is your responsibility to make arrangements for, keep informed about, and maintain documentation of your ward’s current situation regarding finances, living arrangements and care givers, health and medical care, education and training, personal needs, preferences and desires, employment, recreation and leisure time.

It is very important to get acquainted with the people who are significant in your ward’s life, for example, family, doctors, nurses, recreation directors, case workers, employers, therapists, teachers, friends and neighbors.

You are expected to plan for your ward’s future. Anticipate and be prepared for emergencies. Be aware of options in living arrangements or daily living activities in case changes might be necessary. Make sure that insurance or appropriate health care benefits are in place. Assure that funeral and burial or cremation arrangements are in place.

It is important for you to be familiar with laws, rules and regulations that may impact the life of your ward. For example, laws and regulations regarding nursing homes or other residential facilities; laws against discrimination and safety requirements if your ward is employable; education laws if they are under age 21; any government benefits that they may be eligible to receive. You will also need to know how to advocate for your ward in these matters. There are community resources available to provide help, information and assistance.”

In other words, parent. Forever. Don’t get me wrong. I love my kids. And I will do whatever is necessary to help them to live their best life. But navigating this system is way harder than you may think. And the community resources that are available to provide help? They have wait lists. They are understaffed. At times, mismanaged. As you follow our story you will hear about instances where the community resources just did not get it right. And then I have to become “that” parent/legal guardian. Advocate, again and again.

The forms to petition the court to become a guardian are online. I would definitely suggest taking a class if you’re thinking about becoming a guardian for someone. We were advised to add Corey as a Co-Guardian when we petitioned the court. So if something happened to Tracy and I, Corey would already be set up as a guardian and would not have to go through the process again.

The court will want to see documentation supporting the request. Such as doctor’s letters, psychological and/or medical evaluations. Following the filing, the Court will appoint a Court Visitor that will visit and meet with the Respondent (the ward), the proposed Guardian(s) and the Petitioner (if different). The Court wants to make sure that the petition for guardianship is warranted and that the ward will be living in a safe and appropriate setting.

The Court Visitor that came to our house interviewed me, Tracy and Travis in person, and Corey by phone. She reviewed several documents that I provided and sent a letter to the Judge that she whole-heartedly supported the petition for Co-Guardians. She indicated in her letter that it was clear that we had Travis’s best interests in mind.

We did attend a court hearing. The Judge interviewed all of us. And made the guardianship appointment.

The process is much easier when it is not contested. Travis did tell the Judge that he needed our support with decision making and money management.

And in all the years since he has never asked to make a change.

Within 60 days after the appointment the guardian must file the Initial Report with the Court regarding the condition of the ward, the guardian’s personal care plan for the ward, and account for money and other assets in the guardian’s possession or control. And then guardians must file an Annual Report with the court each year.

I have to file each year in July by Travis’s birthday. The Court does not remind me. Once I forgot that it had to be by the 14th. For some reason I thought it was by the end of July. And I received a notice from the Court. Oops.

One year I received a notice from the court with the following comment. “After reviewing this year’s report, as well as the prior two reports, it appears the information provided in the reports has remained the same. We understand that it may be difficult to provide additional information for someone whose status has remained the same. However, we are interested in obtaining new information and/or additional information as each yearly report is filed.”

I am a bit confused by this note. The Court understands that it is difficult to provide additional information for someone whose status has remained the same. However we are interested in obtaining new information.

We purposefully try to maintain as much of a routine for Travis as possible. Because he needs a routine. We figured this out a long time ago. He currently lives in the same home that we bought and lease to him. Six plus years - same address.

Same nurse stops by once a week to fill his medication box. Same housekeeping company comes by once per week. (So I don’t have to clean his place too!) Same provider agency offering job support. Same provider agency providing community support. You get the picture.

The court report is a fill in the blank type form. So if the answer to the question is the same as last year, then I am going to give the same answer. (I do not cut and paste by the way.)

Being Travis’s legal guardian was easier in the beginning. He was still living at home, so it really was not any different than parenting. It’s harder now. I actually carry a copy of the court appointment letter in my purse. I have been asked for it at times when I share that I am his legal guardian.

Travis’s doctor’s office has a copy of it on file. I attend all of his medical appointments with him and go in with him to see the doctor. Travis does not necessarily understand what the doctor is telling him, or even remember. I also go in with him when he visits his psychiatrist. Because that conversation involves current medications, dosage, and possible changes. I do not, however, visit his therapist with him. (That way he can freely tell her how crazy I make him! Although he would tell her that even if I was with him!)

The best person to be an individual’s legal guardian is a parent or parents. The worst person to be an individual’s legal guardian is a parent or parents. Yes, you read that right. Let me explain.

There is no one on earth that knows your child like a parent does. Or cares more. Or would be more protective. Parents want what is best for their child.

But there are guidelines to follow when a legal guardian is making decisions on behalf of someone else. Per the Guardianship Alliance of Colorado, “Even though as a guardian you will have responsibility for protecting and caring for your ward, it is important to carefully distinguish between providing adequate protection and imposing excessive restrictions. Colorado law requires guardians to include their wards in making decisions. A ward’s ability to participate will depend to a large extent upon the magnitude of the decision. As a guardian you must weigh all decisions critically and objectively”.

And again, as a guardian we are supposed to consider the expressed desires and personal values of the ward. But what if his values do not align with mine? And what if I know (or think) that spending his every last dollar he has available on an X-box game is not in his best interest? Is that the parent in me? Or the guardian in me?

If he had an adult guardian that was not a family member would they be saying things like you need to get out of the house. Why not live your life in 3D? Instead of riding a snowmobile on a game, why don’t you come snowmobiling with us?

Travis smokes cigarettes. I never have. I think it’s a bad habit. And expensive. He is hooked on nicotine. Let me just say it is not pretty when he runs out. Is it the parent in me that tells him he should quit. For his health. And then he would have more spending money for other things he may want. No, not an X-Box game or points.

Would another adult guardian lecture him about smoking?

I mean we all buy things that are unnecessary in our lives. Like when I bought my tenth (or more) pair of Lularoe leggings. Right? We all waste time when we should be accomplishing something more important. Like when I play Solitaire on the computer. Right? We all have bad habits that may not be healthy for us. Like my almost nightly cocktail. Right?

Obviously I weigh in on the side that parents make the best guardians. Or I wouldn’t be doing it. But we walk a fine line in figuring out when we are wearing which hat.

It is a fine line to walk when teaching someone that life is both beautiful and dangerous, to open up to the world as well as be on guard. - Andrea Richesin