Fish Out of Water

Travis’s life is hard. It’s just the simple truth. Although as parents, we love him just the way he is, he doesn’t. He doesn’t want to be just the way he is. For as long as I can remember he has said things like, “Why can’t I be like other kids?” Or, “I hate my life”.

The world is changing. Today another mom in the Facebook support group I belong to posted a link to an article. The article highlights a study that reviews 315 articles published from 2007-2017 in the Washington Post. The study was based on a senior thesis written in 2018 by Noa Lewin of UC Santa Cruz. The study itself was conducted by Noa Lewin and Nameera Akhtar, a professor of psychology at UCSC.

In her thesis Lewin says, “The Post’s coverage reflected a widespread belief that having a disability is okay if you’re able to fit into a neurotypical world or if it offers a special talent or skill with social value, like being really good with computers”.

The article that highlights the study is written by Jennifer McNulty of the Washington Post, and is titled, “Washington Post’s depictions of autism shift from “cause and cure” to acceptance, study finds”. McNulty quotes the study, “The study findings suggest that media representations are changing to reflect new public attitudes generated in part by the autistic rights movement.

In their analysis, Lewin and Akhtar found that the Post’s articles over time were more likely to talk about “neurodiversity” and to acknowledge the strengths of autistic people. Articles also began to describe accommodations for autistic people, and a few began to feature autistic people themselves-a trend Lewin, who is autistic, particularly appreciated.”

If you are like me, you see this as a positive step in the right direction.

But then another post in the same Facebook group today has a very different message. Another mom posted a link from the The-Sun.com, by Patrick Knox, titled, “Autistic kid’s mom begs TikTok to remove “Autism Challenge” videos that cruelly mock disabled children. The mom that pleaded with TikTok to shut down the “Autism Challenge” is Kate Swenson, creator of Finding Cooper’s Voice, a website where she shares her family’s journey with a child with severe autism. I mentioned her before in one of my early blog posts, “A Different Place”.

Kate said, “I recently found out about a new challenge on TikTok. It’s entire purpose is to make fun of those with disabilities, specifically with autism.”

Knox writes, “In one of the videos, a mother and daughter do an offensive dance together, pulling faces and pretending to be disabled. Other users posted their own versions of the challenge, sparking outrage across social media.”

Kate said, “In one, a mother is doing the dance with her own kid. Making fun of sounds and making hand gestures.” I know I have used this quote before, but it seems quite fitting here. “I don’t think the worst thing that could happen to me is raising a child with special needs. I think the worst thing is to raise a child who is cruel to those with special needs.” - Author Unknown.

Apparently not all public attitudes are changing. Travis does not read the Washington Post. But he does post and watch videos on TikTok. It is likely that he is aware of this challenge. It breaks my heart that this challenge exists. More so that a mother is participating in one with her daughter.

It is stuff like this that makes Travis angry. When he still lived at home I would hear kids being mean to him and calling him names on Xbox Live. Here we are several years later and his live-in aide reports to me that is still the case. Yet, Travis puts up with it and continues to play games on Xbox Live because that is his social outlet. And sometimes he comes across someone that is nice and patient. Helps him work his way to another level.

The point being, the world still has some work to do. No matter how much Team Travis tries to build him up, it only takes one idiot insult from one person online to undo it. How is bullying still a thing? In the TikTok video it is a case of bad parenting. Travis has been hurt so much that he lashes back. Sometimes he behaves like a bully himself. In his case he was taught to be a bully by his peers online.

Our parenting, in addition to years of therapy, has not helped Travis learn how to ignore the behaviors of others or let rude comments roll of his back. Or not to be rude in return. We have tried to teach him that two wrongs don’t make a right.

We also have tried to provide him with many experiences to help him to build his self-esteem. In today’s blog I want to highlight one of those experiences. This is a big one. Travis, Tracy and I got scuba certified.

I have mentioned several times in previous blogs that Travis loves water. That he is a fish out of water when he is on land. Swimming, spending time in the hot tub, even playing in the bathtub, would help him to be calm. Partly because water helps with his sensory stuff. But he also told me that when he is underwater it muffles the sound of the world.

I cannot remember exactly how we came upon the idea to allow Travis to become scuba certified. I remember at the time he enjoyed watching documentaries about the earth and oceans. Which included information about all living things. I know that the idea came from Travis himself. But in the back of my mind I was wondering if scuba diving might be able to help him become employed in some way.

I did some research and found a local business that provided everything an individual would need to get through the process. They held classes, had a pool as part of the business and also sold equipment. They also planned the trip for their students to obtain their open water certification dives.

Travis was fifteen at the time. I explained our situation to the scuba business owner. It would be hard for Travis to be a part of a class because he required so much attention. He had a hard time not interrupting and interjecting his knowledge about various subjects.

The process of training begins with reading the “Open Water Diver Manual”. Which is 260 pages long. The knowledge reviews at the end of each chapter needed to be completed. Travis struggles with reading. And comprehending what he is reading. This is due to his short term working memory issues and his slow processing speed. Tracy and I realized that we would need to read the entire manual out loud to Travis and help him to complete the reviews.

There was also a DVD that needed to be viewed. We also knew that we would need to watch the videos with Travis. To help him to stay focused.

The scuba business owner had suggested that Travis would need a private class. The cost of a private class was the same for one as it was for up to four. Tracy and I decided that if we were reading the entire manual, watching the videos, and needing to be at the pool with him for his water instruction, we should go ahead and get certified as well. I asked the owner to pick an instructor that was patient and would work well with not only a young man with autism, but also his mother. Why?

Because this experience was WAY outside of my comfort zone.

We were required to read the manual, complete the reviews, and watch the DVD before our first classroom setting. We had to purchase our masks, fins, and snorkel prior to the first day of class. The instructor showed us how to operate the SCUBA (Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus) equipment and elaborated on the knowledge we learned from the book. We were required to take a written test. The instructor gave Travis his test orally.

Travis loved practicing scuba diving in the pool. I, on the other hand, did not. As far as Tracy is concerned, I know that becoming scuba certified was not on his bucket list. But he did great and tolerated it much better than me.

The final step in becoming a PADI (Professional Association of Diving Instructors) Open Water Diver is to complete four certification dives. Our dives were completed in 95 degree water at Homestead Crater in Utah. A certified PADI instructor guided us through our dives and made sure we had a safe and enjoyable experience.

Tracy and Travis did great. Our scuba school had, I think, 17 students going through the certification process that day. During the testing they make sure that the students are prepared for anything that could go wrong. I remember all of the students were around 35 feet underwater in a semi-circle. The instructor would go from person to person testing skills.

One of the skills was regulator recovery and clearing. Just to be clear, the regulator is the piece of equipment that allows you to breathe underwater. If the regulator somehow gets knocked out of your mouth it tends to swing behind your back. There is an arm sweep method that helps you to find it. When the regulator leaves your mouth, it fills with water. I won’t go into all of the details, but you basically have to blow into the regulator. The air forces the water out of the exhaust valve.

Did I mention that I have test anxiety in normal situations?

I got through the regulator recovery and clearing. The instructor gave me a the ok hand signal. I gave him the ok hand signal to let him know that yes, I was ok. He moved on to the next person.

Another skills test was mask replacement. In the unlikely event that your mask comes off while underwater you have to clear the water from it. Or if water trickles in to it. It’s my turn. As I remove my mask to show that I can handle this if it happens during a dive, I knock my regulator out of my mouth.

I can still remember the exact thoughts going through my mind in that moment. Tracy is not going to be happy if we have to make another trip to Utah so that I can try to certify a second time. And this is going to be embarrassing for me when everyone else in our class passes except for me.

Having to complete both of these skills together was not part of the testing. But, apparently, I am an over-achiever. I decided my first priority was to be able to breathe. So I recovered and cleared my regulator. Next I needed to clear my mask. Again, without going into too much detail, to clear your mask you have to hold the top against your forehead, then look up slightly while exhaling through your nose. The air from your nose forces the water out from the bottom of your mask.

It took me five tries to get the water cleared. The instructor was right in front of me watching patiently. I remained calm even though with each try there was still water in my mask. I got through it and we exchanged the ok sign. As we got out of the water and headed to get dressed the instructor came to me and said that I did a great job and that he had no doubt that I was ready for a real dive. Of course Travis and Tracy passed with flying colors.

The cost of the classes, the equipment and the certification trip totaled $2,329.19. But watching Travis grow through this experience was priceless. The only problem is that we live in Colorado. Not a lot of opportunity for scuba diving.

A few months later, for Travis’s 16th birthday, I scheduled a “Dive with the Sharks” experience at the Denver Downtown Aquarium. When I told Tracy he was like, “You what”? The experience started with learning general information about the sharks, and ultimately diving with them. I remember the dive guides trying to be funny. One asked us if our life insurance was current. Another guide asked our guide if the sharks had been fed yet that day.

The nerves were not just due to the sharks. This was our first dive experience after getting our certification. Travis loved it. He collected several shark teeth from the bottom of the tank. Guests of the aquarium could see us participating in the shark dive through the glass of the tank. We estimated that Travis was in about fifty family photos that day. He pressed up against the glass for all to see! Honestly I did not know that sharks had more than one row of teeth until that day, when one swam up close to me and opened it’s mouth. The guide in the water was holding a large plastic T shaped bar. She used it to nudge the sharks away from the divers.

I used twice as much oxygen than Tracy and Travis. I had to keep taking very deep breaths to stay calm.

Fast forward to January, 2018. Our family took a trip to Disney World. Tracy and Travis participated in Dive Quest at the Living Sea at Epcot. I did not sign up to dive because Corey and I were running the Disney Marathon. I was nervous enough about participating in my first, and decidedly my last full marathon. I’m going to need to take a refresher course if I decide to scuba dive again in the future. Not Travis. He was in his element.

“To show someone how much you love them by doing what they love to do is an extraordinary gift.” - Rick Hamlin

Scuba lessons. You can see his smile even with the regulator.

He takes the regulator out of his mouth on purpose!

Tracy and Travis.