Together We are Stronger

When our daughter, Corey, turned twenty-one I took her for a mother/daughter trip to Las Vegas. My best friend from college is Corey’s godmother. She met us in Las Vegas for the celebration. It was a fun time. Corey wore a tiara with 21 on it. We took her to see, “The Thunder from Down Under”. In case you don’t know what that show is, think “Chippendales” only the dancers are from Australia.

The dancers will come into the audience and give special attention to the women that are celebrating special events such as birthdays or upcoming weddings. The show is popular with bachelorette parties.

I always enjoy when I get to spend one on one time with Corey. Corey had my undivided attention until she was just shy of seven.

That’s when we adopted Travis. Travis was a happy baby. We were the typical family. Tracy and I both worked full-time. I owned my own retail businesses during the bulk of the kid’s childhood. Tracy was also a business owner for many of these years.

Corey spent a fair amount of her time with me at my business early on. As she got older she began to participate in school activities and sports. She held various jobs over the years, but she also worked with me at my businesses. So we did get some time together in there.

I’ve always believed in the saying, “It takes a village to raise a child”. I sat on our local school board for eight years. I served on our local chamber board, library board and park and recreation board. I was a long-time member and first female president of our local Rotary Club. I helped to coordinate our local 9HealthFair for several years. During this time I also went back to school to get my master’s degree. (Have I said before that I am a bit of an overachiever?)

Corey followed in many of my footsteps. In high school she was involved in many extracurricular activities and volunteered for various causes. She continued to volunteer for causes that spoke to her heart while in college. She got her master’s degree. And now she owns a business of her own that revolves around helping children. She puts in a ton of hours trying to make a difference in as many lives as possible.

Corey’s business is called Ascend Learning & Educational Consulting. You can find her at www.ascendlearningcenter.com. Or at www.smarterintervention.com. Can you tell I’m proud? I do not know for sure if she went down the path of helping children with learning disabilities because of our story. She certainly did have a front seat view of her parent’s struggle with getting an appropriate education for Travis.

Now she is the busy one. She is a successful business owner and a fabulous mom.

I was able to give her lots of emotional support as she grew her business. I shared many times with her Tracy’s saying, “If it were easy, everyone would be doing it.” That is what he used to tell me when I needed to hear it. In the beginning we spent many hours on the phone talking about the ins and outs of owning a business. And the pros and cons of upcoming decisions. She has her footing now. Enough has changed in the business and technology worlds that I cannot be as much help as I would like to be.

Although now I get to be the best grandma I can be! Like right now. I am sitting in our camper at our farm in Kansas. We have our grandboys here with us. This is the first time they have been to the farm. They are just now getting to that age where they can tolerate an eight hour drive.

They are resting a bit from a bunch of activity. We have been ATVing and fossil hunting. They are kicking back in the air conditioned camper watching a movie. While I write. (Thank you Verizon for my extra Mobile Hotspot data.) This is the first time that we have been able to spend time with them since Covid-19 became a thing. And just in time, because my bucket was bone dry. The grandboys have a way of filling my bucket that makes all of life’s problems take the back burner. If even just for a while.

If you’ve been following along, you know that our lives changed once Travis started school. If you are newer to the blog, it may make more sense to scroll to the beginning. I think it may make more sense reading from the beginning.

When Travis started school, Corey was a teenager and very involved in other activities. I’m glad that Corey was busy with her life at that time, because at this point parenting Travis took so much of our time and energy. I have no doubt that she feels short-changed. One thing I know for sure, we did the best we could.

When Travis turned twenty-one, Corey was already married and had started her family.

Travis was a teenager when I took Corey on her turning twenty-one mother/daughter trip. He asked if he was going to get a trip. We talked about his trip being a father/son trip. Travis had all kinds of grandiose ideas of what his trip would look like. That’s just how his brain works.

He was going to scuba dive at an island in the Caribbean. I reminded him that I took Corey to Las Vegas, Nevada. He was going to Hawaii. I told him that I hadn’t been to Hawaii yet. If that was going to happen it was going to need to be a family trip.

Travis came up with various ideas over the years. Each one grander and more expensive than the last. And before we knew it, he was turning twenty-one.

Planning a trip with Travis is completely different than with Corey.

There is just so much to consider. Change in routine is hard. How long will he be able to last on a flight? Sensory overload is a given. What if he has a meltdown?

I was worried. Don’t get me wrong. I was very much looking forward to some me time. But I am Travis’s person. He turns to me when he has a need. And I am the family referee. Does your family have one? The person that watches closely to ensure that the rules are adhered to and arbitrates on arising matters. From a neutral (mostly) point of view. And making on-the-fly decisions.

Tracy is a great dad. At the same time, he will be the first one to agree that he has a shorter wick. There have been plenty of times that we have “tag teamed” when parenting. Some days he had it. Other days I had it. We were good at reading when the other needed to tag out. Tracy traveled a fair amount, so I was accustomed to parenting without my teammate. He did not have a lot of practice doing the same.

It was decided that Tracy and Travis would go on a fishing trip to Alaska together. Tracy picked a place that was off the beaten path. Much like a lot of Alaska. But this place was all about the fishing.

Travis’s life revolves around his technology. His phone has umpteenth pages of apps. And more memory than my computer. He spends a fair amount of time online on his computer. And his X-box.

Tracy booked a trip for the two of them at Calder Mountain Lodge. Where they could fish the inside passage out of beautiful Point Baker, on the northern point of Prince of Wales island. Per their website, “Calder Mountain Lodge offers a unique opportunity to fish Southeast Alaska where the remote wilderness provides an abundance of quality fish and majestic Alaskan Scenery”. What it does not offer? Wifi or cell phone service.

We bought a phone card so that Tracy could check in. Turns out Calder Mountain Lodge has a satellite phone, but only for emergencies.

There was a DVD player in the room. With a selection of old movies. But the generator got turned off nightly at 10pm.

So Tracy and Travis were left with each other. No ‘me’ to help deescalate or referee a situation. No computer or cell for Travis to turn to.

Tracy joked when he left that if only one of them returned home it was because the other fell in (got pushed?) into the water. But no telling which one it was going to be. I know how that sounds. You simply have to have a sense of humor to get through parenting a child with special needs. A good sense of humor and each other.

I have read several posts from the Facebook group that I am a member of, “Amazing Moms of Children with High Functioning Autism (HFA)”. Some of them are single and post about their struggles raising a HFA child alone. And some of them are married and post about how their husband does not help in any way. I cannot even imagine trying to do this alone. Together we are stronger.

All of my worry was for naught. Which is often the case. Tracy and Travis fished everyday. Calder Mountain Lodge provided them with a eighteen foot custom aluminum boat equipped with a sixty horsepower motor. And pointed them in the right direction. It was just the two of them. Travis does much better when he is not in a crowded place with a ton of noise.

He did not get bored. The fishing was fantastic. It took the two of them working together to haul them in. Calder Mountain Lodge vacuum packed and boxed up 100 pounds of halibut and salmon for them to bring home. After fishing all day, and a wonderful dinner provided by the lodge, they were too tired to stay up past 10pm anyway.

“A strong marriage rarely has two strong people at the same time. It is a husband and a wife who take turns being strong for each other in the moments when the other feels weak.” - Ashley Willis

My grandboys sharing the camper couch while I write.

Celebrating Corey’s 21st birthday in Las Vegas.

Travis’s 21st birthday fishing trip to Alaska.

Travis looks happy with this catch!

This is my great catch with his great catch! Lol!