Nine Times a Day

Nine times a day. That is the average number of times a day that Travis calls me. I actually did the math. A couple of different times. Once a couple of years ago. And once a few weeks ago. Both times I counted the calls over a week and divided by seven. And both times the average daily calls came out the same. Nine times a day.

How is that possible?

When Travis is unable to reach me, he doesn’t leave a message on my voicemail. He hangs up. And then calls again. And again.

We have talked about this on several occasions. I explain to him that if it is at all possible, I will answer my phone. But if for some reason I don’t answer it is because I am busy.

Not busy watching TV. Not busy reading a book. Not busy playing Solitaire on the computer.

I am actually busy doing something that does not allow for me to answer my phone. Maybe I am in a court hearing for my current CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) case. Or at an IEP (Individual Education Plan) meeting for my CASA case. Or watching a movie at the movie theater.

I have my phone on silent. But it vibrates. Again and again. Umm, excuse me Judge, while I take a phone call from my son. I don’t think so.

Or even more fun yet, when I am actually on a phone call. And I can only hear every other word being said, because my phone is beeping again and again. Telling me your son is calling. Again.

If I do not respond quickly enough the texts begin. “I need to talk to you. Right away.”

Then my mind goes to that place. Is he ok? Even though I know that he has done this to me thousands of times before when it wasn’t really important to talk to me right away. But what if this time it is urgent. Has he been in a car accident? Is he standing on a ledge?

So I discreetly dig my phone out of my purse and text him. “I am in a court hearing. I will have to call you back later.”

And he texts, “Ok, but can I get some money for cigarettes?”

Which is another reason that he calls me so often. Because I am his representative payee. Meaning that I am responsible for making sure that his bills get paid. I am in control of his funds.

One of the worst decisions I ever made was to put my bank’s app on my phone. And tell Travis that I did it. Now he knows that if I have cell service, I am capable of transferring money to his debit card.

It doesn’t matter that he has already called and asked for me to transfer ten dollars so that he can eat out. And I say no. There are no extra funds in your account right now. He will call again less than an hour later and ask me to transfer money for an Xbox game. He doesn’t get that if he doesn’t have the ten dollars for lunch, he most certainly doesn’t have the sixty dollars for the game.

But he calls and asks for money throughout the day just the same. Maybe he thinks I will change my mind? Or I will give in so that I can have some peace and quiet?

The first call of the day he is usually grouchy. He wants to tell me that a friend called and woke him up. (His words.) He thinks his friends should know better. And I say, “Well Travis, it is noon”. Or he wants to tell me about someone calling saying that his car warranty is about to expire.

And I talk him down. I tell him his car does not have a warranty. That is just another sales call. And your friends want to see what you’re up to, maybe they want to hang out. And why don’t you turn on your “do not disturb” on your phone while you’re sleeping if you do not want to be disturbed?

I believe he doesn’t do that because he has FOMO. Fear of missing out.

Maybe it works like this. If a friend calls and says, “Hey, I have an extra ticket to a concert, would you like to go”? That call is worth the wake up. But if it goes like this, “Hey, get up. It’s already noon. Can I get a ride to the store?” Totally not worth the wake up.

Wait till my mom hears about this!

Sometimes when Travis calls me I think he just needs to touch me. Not physically touch me. Just check and make sure that I am there. And he gets anxious if I do not answer.

Most times when he calls me he is upset about some drama with his tribe and I have to talk him through the situation. He needs help with his social skills, and so does every person in his tribe. He’ll put me on speaker phone to talk to the group.

Sometimes when he calls he doesn’t talk at all. He has his phone on speaker phone so that I can hear some drama taking place.

Sometimes he calls and asks me a question that he already knows the answer to. Because his phone is on speaker phone and he wants his friends to hear his question and my answer. I am ok with that. I have broad shoulders and you can put it on me.

But I will tell you, that he never just calls to say hi. How are you? How is your day going?

We are working on that. But it is a bit funny and a bit frustrating all mixed together. That call might go, “Hi mom. How are you? Can I get some money to buy Microsoft points?” Before I even get to say I’m fine.

We have discussed that I actually have a life outside of being his mother.

There are times that I do not have cell coverage. Like when we go to our cabin in the mountains for a weekend. I know the exact point when coverage begins, by the sounds my phone begins to make. Indicating that I have text messages, missed calls, and even voicemails. I will not tell you how many.

Travis knows that I go to bed early. Usually around 9pm. But he will still call at 10pm and say sorry to wake you, but…

Travis is a night owl. He will text at midnight or later if he is frustrated about something.

On a rare occasion I will not hear from Travis all day. Tracy will ask me at dinner if I talked to Travis. And I say no. Tracy will ask me, “Do you suppose you should call him”? UGHHHH!!!

Travis is twenty-six years old. It’s a good thing if he can get through the day without calling.

So I respond, “If you’re worried about him, why don’t you give him a call”?

One of the many things I enjoy about spending time with Travis is that when my phone rings I already know it’s not him! Hahaha. C’mon, that was a little funny!

“A Mother is her son’s home base. You are home to him. When he learns to walk, he will wobble a few feet away from you and then come back, and then wobble away a little farther, and then come back. When he tries something new, he will look for your proud smile. When he learns to read, he will repeat the same book to you twenty times in a row, because you’re the only one who will listen that many times. When he plays a sport, he will search for your face in the stands. When he is sick, he will call you. When he really messes up, he will call you. When he is grown and strong and tough and big and he feels like crying, he will come to you; because a man can cry in front of his mother without feeling self-conscious. Even when he grows up…..you’re still his mother; home base, the ever constant, like the sun. Know that in your heart and everything else will fall into place.” - Author Unknown