The Girl That Gave Hugs

If you have been following our story you already know that Travis struggled at school.

There was a girl in his class that would go to him and give him a hug when he began to show signs of overstimulation. And with that hug he would sometimes be able to pull it together.

I only know this because his teacher told me.

You see, most times when I would pick Travis up at school I would get an earful about all the negative things that happened regarding him on that day from his teacher. Finally one day I asked her if there were any positive stories she could share with me about my son.

And she told me that if a classmate fell, Travis would be the first one to rush over and help them up. And if a classmate hurt themselves, Travis would be the first one to offer a hug. She said he had a big heart. (Thank you, that’s the boy I know and love!)

And she told me he had a special friendship with the girl in his class that was quick to offer a hug when he needed one.

I like to think that she was born a compassionate human being. Or maybe she recognized that Travis was the first to give a hug if someone needed one, so she could return the favor.

This girl’s mom came in to my local business one day. She advised me that we should homeschool Travis. Told me that he was too much of a disruption to the other children in the classroom. And that it would be better for him. (And we wonder why sometimes children turn out to be bullies? )

She told me that when her family shared a dinnertime story about their day, her daughter’s story was always about Travis. I would like to think that this was because Travis was her friend.

At the end of the school year the principal was kind enough to ask me if Travis had a special friend that we would like to be in his classroom the following year. She knew that Travis did not have many friends, and having a friend in his class might help him to get through the day.

Well of course I named the girl that gave hugs!

At the end of the summer Travis and I went to the school building to look at the posted class list for the new school year. I was disappointed to find that the girl was not in his class.

She called Travis that evening to ask which classroom teacher they had received. We only lived two blocks from his elementary school so she knew that we probably checked already. Her family had not been by to check yet. They both cried when Travis told her that they were not in the same class together.

I had not told Travis that I had requested they be together. But he was hopeful that they would be.

After dropping him off at his classroom the first day of school I touched base with the principal and asked her what happened. Why would she ask me who to put in Travis’s class if she did not intend to follow through with the request.

She told me that the girl’s mother had specifically requested that her daughter not be in the same class with Travis.

Why would she allow her daughter to call Travis after class lists were posted to see if they were in the same class together if she already knew the answer?

Clearly this mom did not tell her daughter that she had arranged for them to be in separate classes.

I was extremely saddened by this turn of events because I felt that this mom was actively parenting the compassion out of her child. Her daughter had been learning the positive effect her compassion was having on Travis’s wounded soul.

Travis did not make it much longer in the regular classroom.

Would having the girl that gave hugs in his classroom have made a difference?

It’s hard to say. But it couldn’t have hurt.

Over the course of time Travis had many out of district placements that I will write about as our story unfolds. And we continuously fought to get him back to school in his own district. Years later he came back during middle school. He only made it a few weeks.

He came home from school devastated because the girl that gave hugs would not talk to him or acknowledge him in any way.

“I don’t think the worst thing that could happen to me is raising a child with special needs. I think the worst thing is to raise a child who is cruel to those with special needs.” — Author Unknown