Jesus Spoke to Me

When Travis was around eight we attended a memorial service for Tracy’s uncle. The uncle lived out of state. I did not really have a chance to get to know him. So I know that Travis did not know him.

We attended a graveside service. There were a lot of people there that we didn’t know. Travis made his way around and visited with pretty much everyone. Knowing that Travis did not know any strangers I kept my eye on him. I wanted to be sure that he wasn’t being bothersome in their time of grief. But what I saw was him comforting these people that he didn’t even know. He handled himself very well. He was very polite and told people he was sorry for their loss.

When it was time to go Travis told us that he was not ready. We were the last people there. We were unable to leave because Travis was hugging the headstone and sobbing. We were confused because Travis did not know this particular uncle.

The next part of the service was held at a church. Travis sobbed all the way there. I told Tracy that he should go ahead and go in and that we would wait in the car. Travis convinced us that he would pull it together so that we could all attend.

Travis sat between us in the pew. He was still visibly upset and trying not to cry. On the wall behind the altar there was a crucifix. Travis told us in a matter of fact voice that Jesus had just spoke to him and told him not to worry about the uncle because he was with him in heaven now.

And with that Travis instantly stopped sniffling and went back to his usual self.

Tracy and I looked over his head at each other in mutual surprise.

I told Travis that he was a very lucky boy because he was able to hear Jesus speak to him. That most people live a lifetime and never have that experience.

At the time we were still in the beginning stages of learning about the specialness of Travis. And actually, we are still learning.

We have learned that Travis absorbs the emotions of others. I have had to learn to better control my own emotions when I am with him.

That day as he walked around comforting others he was absorbing their sadness. That is why it did not matter whether he knew the uncle or not.

Today he describes himself as an Empath. The first time he told me that he was an Empath I had no idea what it meant. So I googled it. I am not sure how I survived before Google. I know I spent a lot more money on books!

Per Dr. Judith Orloff at www.drjudithorloff.com, “The trademark of an empath is that they feel and absorb other people’s emotions and/or physical symptoms because of their high sensitivities”.

When describing empathic children Dr. Orloff says, “Sometimes they feel too much but don’t know how to manage the sensory overload. They see more, hear more, smell more and experience emotions more. For instance, they may not like strong food smells in the kitchen, perfumes, harsh bright lights (particularly fluorescent bulbs), or loud talking. They prefer soft (not scratchy) clothes.”

Uh huh. This describes our boy to a T. She also says, “Their sensitivities can get assaulted by our coarse world, and this affects their behavior”.

And as children they don’t know why they are upset. And maybe that is why they end up under their desk in the classroom shouting at everyone to shut up!

Noise can be very agitating to Travis. He can be fine one moment and furious the next if the neighbor’s dog is barking. At the time I tried to teach him about levels of emotion. That maybe the dog barking was annoying. Maybe he should feel irritated. Even frustrated. But not enraged.

At this point I was still a newbie when it came to understanding his behaviors. We were just starting to learn everything we could about sensory processing. And I certainly had not heard until more recently the term empathic to describe him.

Should the school have known more? I’m not sure.

The school has a special education department. And a school psychologist. And an occupational therapist. And the special education director once told me that I should trust them. They were the experts. Because I dared offer my opinion as a member of the IEP (Individual Education Plan) team.

More on his we are the experts comment in a future blog!

But if they are the experts, shouldn’t they have recognized the signs of Travis’s sensory issues?

A school has to be a minefield when it comes to sensory overload. How many kids are in each class?

The fluorescent lighting. That oftentimes hums. The pencils tapping. And coughing.

And smells. Teachers wearing perfume. Travis once noticed when I changed deodorants and told me not to wear the new one again.

And imagine picking up the emotions of others while at school.

And while we are at it, let’s throw in a yet to be diagnosed learning disability.

Travis carried a beanie baby puppy with him to school each day. The staff brought this puppy up in daily notes, evaluations and IEP’s. They were concerned because oftentimes he pretended the puppy was answering questions asked of him.

Was the puppy a coping mechanism?

We were told that Travis wanted to control every situation. Things had to be his way. During an evaluation he said that if he misbehaved he would be told to leave the classroom. Is it possible that spending one on one time with the principal in her quiet office was sensory driven?

I think that some people may be too quick to assume the worst. I know that Travis did not wake up each day thinking how can I make my parents and the school staff crazy today. If he had a choice, I think he would choose to fit in and get along with others.

I do remember being told that Travis was capable of learning if he would behave. And for years we were made to feel that it was a parenting issue.

Maybe there should be consequences at home for his behavior at school. (What a novel idea. It didn’t occur to me to try that.)

Would it have made a difference if Travis had been accurately diagnosed earlier on?

There is just no way to know for sure.

“Too often I think people assume that something bad had to happen in order for a child with autism to have a meltdown. The reality is that meltdowns are most often sensory related and sensory processing disorder doesn’t discriminate between good or bad experiences.” — www.theautismdad.com

Travis with his beanie baby puppy.