Let Us Be The Ripples — No Stone Left Unturned

As I continue to research and read through the mounds of paperwork that I have, I mull over what to write about next. I know I need to tell you about his next school setting. But that pile of paperwork is too overwhelming for me today.

And I want to mix up the school stories, with the therapies we have tried, with the day to day stuff our family has faced.

There is something I want to make sure that my readers know. That while Travis is a very complex boy (and now man), he is also an incredible person. He has a huge heart that I continue to witness regularly. He has a great sense of humor. (Although sometimes I don’t get his jokes!) And he has an outgoing personality.

And what I admire about him is that he has not given up. Although he has great difficulty with social skills, he continues to want people around him. I call these people his tribe. And even though his heart has been hurt he continues to offer it to the next person. Or even the same person that already broke it once. Or even more times.

And even though he lives his life in so much pain, he continues to live it. He tells me that I do not understand. And I know that he is right. So I tell him so. It is impossible for me to understand at his level. But I can see it. And as his mom, when he hurts, I hurt.

During the writing process I have been going back and looking at family pictures. And in so many of them he is smiling and appears to be genuinely happy. But even when I show him the pictures he says that he cannot remember ever being happy.

Even with all of the diagnoses that Travis faced, we did our best to give him a regular childhood.

We did all the things other parents did. We signed Travis up for t-ball, baseball, soccer, Tae Kwon Do, swim lessons and cub scouts. But we also did things the other parents did not need to do.

We were present at every practice. Just in case. We understood that the coaches were volunteers. That they did not understand Travis’s needs. We shared his story with them. So that they may be more patient with him. And we stayed to make sure that he was treated fairly by teammates. Because we knew that he could easily become the scapegoat.

And Travis had his own ideas about what was fair. And about how to play the game. We had to intervene often.

As I have mentioned previously, Travis has a disability that cannot be seen. So it is easy for everyone around him (including ourselves) to forget he has a disability. And set expectations that he is unable to meet.

With sports it can get complicated. We wanted Travis to be included because he attended every practice. He may not have been as talented as some of the other players but we felt that he should be able to play. Not all parents or coaches felt the same way. It can be very competitive.

At one baseball game Travis was playing outfield. He would get bored. Or distracted. At this age not many kids could hit to the outfield. He would put his glove on his head. Sit on the ground. I heard a mom from the opposing team’s bleachers yell at her son while he was at bat to, “Hit it to Travis, he won’t catch it”.

I stood up to go over and educate her, but Tracy pulled me back. My hope is that Travis did not hear her. But her son did. Parents, please model kindness and compassion for your kids. And sportsmanship. They are watching us. And learning from our example.

Tracy became the den leader for Travis’s cub scout den. It was the only way we could see Travis having the opportunity to participate. He needed that level of support. And scouting teaches important lessons in citizenship, character, personal fitness and leadership. Tracy was a scout and made it to the Eagle ranking. He felt that it was a great experience for him and that it may be for Travis as well.

There was a boy in the den that had a physical and intellectual handicap. Tracy said the other boys were very careful with him and protective of him. They did not act the same with Travis. Not only was his disability invisible, it also made him hard to get along with.

And swim lessons. Travis loves the water. I describe him as a fish out of water when he is on land. It calms him. And it muffles the sound of the world when you are under water. We even bought a hot tub and used it as a therapy when he began to get over stimulated.

Again, I am not like other parents. I cannot leave and run errands during swim lessons. Or go sit in the shade and read a book. I stay nearby. With water activities it is less about a meltdown and more about safety. To make sure he is listening to and following the instructor’s safety rules.

And he is easily distracted. And bored with the games they play during swim classes. (Come on parents, you know what I am talking about. Marco, polo…)

So I stay. And watch. I watch the instructor teach to all the other kids in the class, but Travis. The instructor (a high school student) has a junior aide (a middle school student). The aide is a volunteer position. The instructor has decided that it is the job of the aide to keep track of Travis. There is not any swim instruction going on. More like babysitting.

Travis must realize that he is being isolated from the others. Does he care?

After a couple of days I decide that I need to talk to the instructor. He tells me that the other kids are further along than Travis and that he needs more attention. Which is confusing to me because Travis had the skillset to be in this particular level. I shared with the instructor that I did not understand why the child who could use his expertise the most gets handed off to the aide that does not know the first thing about teaching swimming.

I asked him to give Travis some one on one time at the beginning of the next class while the aide played their warm up games with the rest of the class. I was surprised at the next class when he did just that. Travis blossomed from the extra attention. He stayed focused and did exactly as the instructor asked. And the instructor noticed.

Every day for the remainder of the class session the instructor started with one on one with Travis. It was short, but it was enough to get Travis engaged and build a relationship. Travis passed and got moved to the next level with his classmates. Which would not have been the case if he played with the aide each day. And more importantly, he learned to swim.

At the end of the session the instructor made a point to come over and thank me for the guidance. I hope that he carried that experience on with other classes that he taught. So that every kid had the opportunity to learn to swim. That it created a ripple effect.

“You serve others, and in turn serve yourself. And in those small services and kindnesses to each other you help heal hearts, one world shifts, when one world shifts, it causes a ripple effect. Let us be the ripples.” - Author Unknown