Writing Our Story

I recently shared with my oldest friend the steps it takes to prepare an article for my blog. (She is not the oldest friend by age, just in the time that we’ve known each other. But she is still older than me!)

She told me that I should share my process with you.

My first draft is handwritten in my journal. The journal is a gift from my daughter Corey. She has been nudging me for some time to get started writing. She even designed my blog for me based on my title, “No Stone Left Unturned”. And she has been helping me work out the technical kinks of posting a blog!

I found every excuse not to get started. Including my biggest one, “I’m waiting for the happy ending”.

The handwritten draft is my memory of a story. It includes too much information. Names and locations. I am angry as I write. Or sad. Lots of feelings around some tough memories. Let me tell you there is a lot of “stuff” to deal with when you’re raising a child with special needs. With a mental illness diagnosis. And a learning disability diagnosis. And an autism spectrum diagnosis. And when you are raising a child with all that “stuff” going on, there are just way too many stories where the people you encounter get it wrong.

How they respond to this special child, the things they say in their outside voice. Tell you what you should be doing different. Question your parenting. And even if they don’t say anything, you know what they are thinking by the look on their face.

People advise you on “stuff” that they know nothing about. Like they are smarter than the doctors and specialists that your child has been seeing for years.

Like they can look at your situation and in a blink of an eye tell you what is up and how you should fix it. Not realizing that you have boxes full of files. Not realizing that you have committed to leaving “No Stone Left Unturned” in helping your child.

I want to tell these people that “I can assure you when the doctor placed this boy in my arms, I did not coo to him, while I rocked him, that my dream for him is that he would one day qualify for SSI”.

But then there are the people that get it right. They listen when you need to talk. Again and again. They love and accept Travis for the person he is. People that I know will not judge me for my parenting decisions. Because as parents we do not always get it right. People that I can relax with because no matter what behaviors they may witness from Travis, they understand that it is not a reflection on me. People that sometimes get it wrong, but are doing their best to get it right.

And when I am writing about my experiences, I can get emotional. Like I am right now. I describe it as tearing a scab off a wound.

I type draft two into a word document. This is where I take out any identifying information. These stories really did happen. And some of you that have been a part of my life for some time know the details.

But at this point name and location details do not matter. Hopefully these names and locations have changed for the better between then and now. And my hope is that back then, at the time these stories happened, that through our advocating for Travis, our family may have left an imprint on these names and locations. And they got it right the next time around.

I type the third draft into the actual blog. Initially my process was to copy and paste from word. But I find in typing it again I add a layer of reflection. It’s amazing how much changes during this draft.

If you have read my bio in the “About Me” section of my blog you know why I am writing and what you may get from reading my blog.

I reread my final draft several times. Travis did give me permission to write his story. But I have to be sure that it is not hurtful to him. He is extremely sensitive.

And the public can go to www.glendakastle.com and read our story.

So I have to be mindful as I tell our story. Because there are times that when someone got it wrong it was because they didn’t know better. Oftentimes, by advocating for Travis, I am able to teach others. And they learn from the situation.

I can think of a couple of those instances right off the top of my head.

I will tell you stories that will make you hurt for our situation, even gasp. I will tell you stories that will renew your faith in people. I will tell you funny stories. (Imagine if you said everything you are thinking out loud!) I will share stories about acquiring services.

These stories will not be in any particular order. Because that is how they come to me.

But there is a recurring theme. That Travis has a family that LOVES him very much. To love is a verb. That means that there are actions we must do. We will advocate to get his needs met for as long as we live. We will do our best to protect him. We will help him to become as independent as possible. And we will fight for his every right.

“The greatest form of love is to choose the best interests of another person and act on their behalf.” - Tim Tebow